Gloomy Wednesday - 26 April 2017

Today I am feeling a tad melancholy. In the car just now, whilst the hubs was driving, I took the opportunity to check all my Facebook updates from friends and fans on my mobile phone while I enjoyed being chauffeured around. Within a short span of 15 minutes browsing Facebook, I read about the demise of 3 friends from Facebook. What saddens me so deeply is that these ladies are still too young. One of them is a young mother in her early thirties with 2 little girls aged below five. Her death came so sudden that it's so surreal.  None of her friends could believe that she's gone in a flash.  The other lady is a mother in her late thirties with kids aged below 10.  And the third is a 47-year old lady. Her loved one who posted the announcement on Facebook on her passing used the word "she has migrated for good".   I didn't ask how they passed on as their loved ones must be so grieved now. They must be busy preparing for the wake and funeral.

It struck me again that our life on earth is so fleeting and we'll never guess when God wants us back to be with Him. It could be today, tomorrow, a year from now or 50 years from now. Anytime. Unexpected, unbeknownst and without warning.  I am one who gets the hung up easily over everything and I have lots of "what ifs" constantly running on my mind.  I then asked myself a question: "What if today is my last day here?"  Have I been happy on my last day? Was I angry? Did I live my life to the fullest?   Did I tell my loved ones that I love them?  Did I leave with a bag of regrets?

Next week I will be seeking a third opinion from a gynae whom my friend strongly recommended. I have exchanged messages via Whatsapp with this gynae and she has suggested a minimally invasive surgery called transcervical resection of fibroid process to remove the fibroid (either whole of partially) from my uterus. It has low risks and I could go home the next day... IF all falls into place nicely.  But a surgery is still a surgery and every surgery carries with it risks.  The gynae has to first perform an ultrasound scan to see the position of the fibroid before she could confirm that this procedure is viable as this can only be done if the fibroid is inside the uterus and not outside of it.

My ertswhile boss lost it all on the OT table during a surgical procedure. He was not even 60 yet. A minister's son recently died while having a dental procedure carried out under GA at a dental clinic.  I have a lot of reservations about going through another surgery (I have gone through 4 major surgeries in my life) but everyone who knows  my problem has advised me to get the fibroid removed.  So yeah, it looks like I will have to go through a surgery even though I am scared shit of all the "what ifs" that could go wrong during the surgery. I am totally not ready to 'migrate for good' yet but like what another friend told me recently, our life is fated. There is nothing to be afraid of.