Reflections on the Attention of Youth: A Journey Through Twenties

The twenties are often a time of self-discovery, boundless energy, and, sometimes, attracting the attention that comes with being young, attractive, and vibrant. Looking back at my own twenties, it’s a mix of good, bad, and downright strange memories, some of which still make me chuckle or shudder.

The Good, The Bad, and The Uncomfortable

In my twenties, I seemed to attract attention wherever I went. Some of it was flattering, while some of it was the kind of attention no one ever asks for. The most uncomfortable experiences involved unwanted encounters with flashers and perverts on the streets and public transport. Those were situations I wouldn’t wish on anyone and ones that taught me the importance of being vigilant.

In another scenario, I also attracted the attention of this dirty old man who’s now a Datuk who used to jog at the park where I jogged. He would often tease me, though he knows my hubby quite well. That was over 20 years ago before I had children. Recently I bumped into him and he again, teased me in the presence of other men, saying that I still look young with a teenager silhouette.  

Professional Challenges and Jealousy

One of my earliest jobs was as a secretary for a husband-and-wife-run company. The job didn’t last more than a week, not because of my lack of skills, but because of the wife’s jealousy. She couldn’t stand the idea of someone younger and, in her eyes, prettier, working in close proximity to her husband. While it was a tough experience at the time, it taught me the importance of standing my ground and knowing when to walk away from toxic environments.

Opportunities and Admirers

My second job in a bank brought a mix of professional and personal attention. One memorable moment was being scouted by a headhunter from Citibank while walking from the bus stand to my office. My boss, who knew the headhunter, called him and jokingly told him off for trying to poach me.

The workplace also had its fair share of admirers. A charming head of a big division frequently visited the HR department where I worked, persistently asking if I’d join his team. He even convinced me to model for the bank’s magazine—a cringe-worthy experience when I look back at the photo!

One of the most flattering encounters was with a young, handsome doctor from the clinic on our bank’s panel. It’s moments like these that make me ponder: what if I had pursued those connections? Would my life be different? Better?

The Road Not Taken

Life is full of crossroads, and it’s natural to wonder about the “what ifs.” But I believe every decision I made, every road I took, was part of God’s greater plan for me. While it’s fun to reflect, I’ve learned to cherish where I am now, knowing that the past shaped the person I am today.

That's me in my late 20s. How I wish I could turn back the clock and look young and vibrant again!

When a Delivery Mix-Up Gave Me a Lesson in Double-Checking Addresses

Yesterday morning, I wasn’t quite feeling myself. After a restless night’s sleep and a bout of heart palpitations due to some lingering worries and unresolved issues, I had an intense craving for Vietnamese food from Pho Viet. I quickly placed an order through Shopee Food for our favorite dishes, looking forward to a comforting meal to ease my stress. Little did I know, however, that I was in for a small (luckily not that expensive) lesson in double-checking details.

About 30 minutes later, I received a call from the Shopee Food delivery rider. He asked for my company name and which floor I was on, which threw me off initially. That’s when it hit me—I’d left my delivery address as “Optimax in Sri Petaling,” the eye clinic where I had an appointment about a month ago. On that day, I had ordered food to be delivered home while I was still at the eye center, and I’d forgotten to change it back to my actual address after that visit.

The rider kindly offered to bring the food to my correct address for an extra RM10, but, frustratingly, our call got disconnected, and he never returned my calls or messages. I guess he thought it was not worth sending the food to me after all. Fine. 

After some back-and-forth, I called Optimax and explained my situation, and they confirmed that the food was still at the clinic’s reception. I decided to book a Grab Express bike to pick up the food from Optimax and have it delivered to me instead.

In total, I paid RM4.90 for the initial Shopee Food delivery. I had a RM11 voucher from Shopee Food. But I had to spend RM7 for the Grab Express service. So, I still had to pay RM1 out of pocket. Ok la, not that expensive but I felt it was a sheer oversight and carelessness on my side. I thought that I could save RM11 with the food voucher but I ended up having to pay instead.

I was upset with myself for the mistake, but I know now that I won’t be making it again. From now on, I’ll triple-check my delivery address before confirming any online order.

This small hiccup taught me the importance of double-checking every detail—especially on days when I’m feeling a little off. Mistakes are just part of life’s learning curve, and at least this one came with my favorite noodle and lemongrass chicken salad and banh mi at the end!

Embracing 50

Reaching the milestone of 50 is an achievement worth celebrating. It's a time to reflect on the ups and downs of life's journey and acknowledge the changes that come with age. At 50, many of us, myself included, may still feel young at heart, but our bodies often reveal the undeniable passage of time.  

1. The Mirror of Time: Physical Changes

One of the most noticeable aspects of turning 50 is the physical changes that are inevitably hard not to notice. The reflection in the mirror may reveal the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles, and for many, a gradual thinning of the hair. While I only have several strands of grey hair, I know that in time to come, I will have a head full of grey hair. I also can’t help noticing that my eyes are now not quite the same as how they used to look when I was younger.  While these changes may be seen as signs of aging, they also carry with them the wisdom and experiences of life that have shaped us.  I wish I could look twenty forever 😁

2. Aches and Pains: A New Companion

As I entered my 50s, I began to experience aches and discomfort that were once foreign to me. Perhaps it's the result of wear and tear on the body or the natural progression of aging. One specific ache that has been bothering me is a dull ache in my left hip. While it doesn't significantly disrupt my daily activities, it raises questions about its origin. Is it hormonal? Could it be related to a fibroid in my uterus that has grown bigger, thus causing me discomfort? 

To address the concerns about the ache in my hip and rule out any underlying issues, I've decided to consult my gynecologist soon. An ultrasound scan of my abdomen and pelvic area will provide insights into the possible causes of this discomfort.  I actually dread going to my gynae’s clinic as I am afraid of being told that I have something really bad brewing inside of me.  But knowing the truth is also about finding peace of mind.  And if there was really something nasty inside, at least it's still at an early stage.  The last time I did an ultrasound scan at my gynae’s clinic was in February this year for my annual medical checkup and pap smear.

3. Navigating Minor Skin Disorders

The journey through the 50s isn't just about physical discomfort and changes; it also comes with some unexpected surprises. In my case, minor skin disorders have made their appearance. In future articles, I'll delve into these skin concerns and how I have explored ways to manage them effectively.

Eczema (oozing and painful kind) behind my ears. This is something that is new to me and it is triggered by sleeping on my sides. 

Turning 50 is a significant milestone that brings with it a unique set of experiences, challenges, and rewards. While the physical changes and aches may be part of the package, they are a reminder of the fullness of life lived and the inevitable journey of aging. The decision to address these changes head-on, whether through medical consultations or personal care routines, is an empowering step on the journey of embracing 50.

Friday, 9 June 2023 ~ Random Updates

In the past couple of weeks, my world has been a whirlwind of responsibilities, health issues, and the absence of my part-time helper, Maria. It's been quite a ride, to say the least. 

Maria, my part-time helper, recently went back to Indonesia for a two-week break. With her absence, the burden of managing all the housework fell on my shoulders. From cooking and cleaning to chauffeuring, it has been a constant juggling act. Balancing work, parenting, and household chores has tested my multitasking skills and pushed me to my limits.

On top of this, I was hit by a stubborn and irritating cough that has plagued me for the past seven nights. Sleepless nights, a ticklish throat, and a congested chest have become my constant companions. Despite trying three different types of cough syrup, none have provided relief. If this persists, I have decided to see a doctor on Monday. 

The lack of or rather the absence of deep and uninterrupted sleep has taken its toll on my overall well-being. The persistent cough and lack of shuteye have left me with a nagging headache, constant fatigue, bouts of dizziness and aches in my ribs (from the constant coughing). I'm physically and mentally drained. This feels so much worse than getting Covid!  However, I remain hopeful that tomorrow will bring a better day and that I'll find the energy to tackle life's hurdles head-on.

The best piece of news I got this week is Sherilyn’s SPM results.  I didn’t set high expectations for Sherilyn to excel in her SPM. She had spent too much time dancing, baking, cooking, participating in endless competitions in and out of school, and on other stuff, thus didn’t put 100% effort into preparation for her exam. Thus, I didn’t expect much from her.  I thought to myself that as long as she passes the SPM and is eligible to get into college and uni, I’ll be happy.  But this girl surprised me with her results.  She did score several As, and even an A for Math, the subject that I thought was her weakest. And she got a B for Physics, the subject that she once failed in school.  

All glory to God. 

This Miss Ambitious has now decided to pursue A-Levels at MCKL and then a BA of Science in Architecture, followed by a Master's of Architecture.  I kept telling her to reconsider her decision as it's going to take at least 7 years of studies and several years of experience as an architect including fulfilling specific requirements and qualifications governed by Lembaga Arkitek Malaysia (LAM) before she becomes a registered architect and gets a prefix, "Ar" before her name.  This will entail a lot of hard work, not to mention money to fund her tertiary education.  Our Miss Ambitious has remained steadfast in her decision and told me that she will continue working part-time to partially fund her uni fees. 😮

Sherilyn made a big batch of blueberry pie and tarts as blueberries are in season and on sale now.  She made so many that we've been savoring the luscious blueberry tarts and pie every day for the past week.

Yummiest blueberry tart ever with the perfect pie crust and a generous filling of fresh blueberries and blueberry compote. She made the compote herself and it's pretty easy and fast to prep it.

Blueberry tarts for her colleagues in Front Room Cafe.

The eldest SIL from England came to visit and stayed with us for 5 days.  She commissioned Sherilyn to bake a blueberry tart for her to bring to a friends' meetup.

With a part-time job from Monday through Saturday, Sherilyn didn't have much time to bake the tart. She spaced out the baking steps over several days and managed to complete the tart in the morning on the day of my SIL's meetup with her friends, just before leaving for work.

Mess-Free Way Of Eating A Sandwich

During the pandemic and lockdowns, I learned something from Cass.  She invented a mess-free way of eating her sandwiches while attending online classes.  On a messy tiny desk with her laptop, books and stationery items on it, she managed to gobble down her breakfast while attending online classes, the mess-free way.

Instead of using her hands to hold the sandwich, she cut them up with a pair of scissors and ate them with a spoon!  What a genius!  Forget about the aesthetic part as everything goes into the tummy within minutes.  This is what my very practical girl always tells me. She loves cooking and baking but only for herself and she's not bothered with pimping up her food for social media bragging rights.

And here's my air-fried whole-wheat sandwich with fried egg, chicken floss, drizzled with mayo and tomato ketchup, cut into bite-size pieces.  I enjoyed the sandwich very much without messing up my fingers and mouth as I ate it with a spoon.  And I can even savor it while catching up on news from my subscription-based online news portal.  Bliss!  

Old Treasure

I found some of my old photos taken when I was working at Southern Bank (now CIMB Bank).  These photos are over two decades old.  They were taken circa 1994 ~ 1997 during my tenure at the Corporate Human Resources Division (CHRD) where I worked as a HR Officer.  I spent 8 years at CHRD and created lots of memories and friendships as well as gained tons of invaluable experience in this department.

Taken at our bank's annual dinner and dance.  If I remember correctly, that was in 1993/1994.

The Corporate Human Resources Division team.  I'm seated fourth from left. Irene, on my left was my supervisor and she's now living in Australia.  The lady wearing glasses in green baju kurung was the HR Manager.

I'm the one in a yellow blouse.  On my right is Shareefa and we still keep in touch.  On my left is Ayu, my assistant. We were in charge of staff loans that year before I got rotated to the Recruitment section where one of my duties was to interview candidates.  The girl on the extreme right is from the Kelantan royal family and she's in charge of the Training Dept.

Fudgy Brownies

 

For the longest time I've been meaning to buy an entire brownies to treat myself.  I love brownies, especially fudgy ones.  I kept putting off the purchase coz buying an entire brownies would mean that I'll most likely have to finish the entire  cake myself as no one in the house really likes brownies, except for Sherilyn and Cass who will eat it occasionally.  

Since March is my birthday month, I decided to treat  myself to my favorite cake in honour of myself. I decided to eat two wedges every day to satiate my prolonged craving.  Coincidentally I saw a one-week only RM10 off promotion on brownies on Facebook and quickly made an order for the home baker's fudgy brownies!  

The baker is someone like Sherilyn. She's about 18 or 19, loves baking, an athlete and is a college student who bakes to earn some pocket money.  I'm amazed with this girl as her brownies are really decadent - very fudgy, has a supreme chocolaty taste and not too sweet. I  chomped down almost the entire brownies myself and finished it in 4 days. Now I am satiated and feel heavier!  😜

RM42 for a box of sheer happiness 😍
RM30 for a box of 16-piece brownies.  Regular price is RM40/box.  Delivery rider fee is RM12.

46th Birthday

My 46th birthday came and went in a modest and simple fashion. No chi-chi day-long celebration and no fancy gifts. Everyone was busy on my birthday - my hubs, my daughters, my mil and even myself.  But I'm happy as I had a sumptuous and intimate dinner with my family, at a fancy restaurant 😁

Dinner was at Stone Nine by Jiro Shabu @ Old Klang Road. Other than a crazy 45-minute wait for the food to come, we nonetheless enjoyed our personal hot pot Japanese shabu-shabu with premium assortment of meat and toothsome array of specialty dipping sauces to go with the meat.


My visiting SIL from Hong Kong surprised me with cakes from Just Heavenly Cafe @ Bangsar.

I think I have never shared any baby and toddler pictures of myself with everyone eh?  In commemoration of my 46th birthday, I'd like to share with all and sundry my birthday photos taken over 4 decades ago! 😍



Me on my 2nd birthday with Raymond, my elder brother, my sexy mum and my por por in our first house in Moonlight Park, Ipoh.  I can still remember the address by heart, though we moved from the house when I was 12 years old.  My birthday gift was an inflatable Bugs Bunny toy 😁.




Me on my 4th birthday. Mum was preggers with Roy, my younger brother. My birthday present that year was a doll that could blink her eyes and that doll slept next to me on my double bed together with a bunch of soft toys until I was 12 years old!




On my 5th birthday, Roy my younger brother was 11 months old. Next to my granny was Molly, our part-time helper cum nanny, who was only a teenager. She would come over to babysit us whenever there was no adult at home.

Hope you've enjoyed this brief walk with me down memory lane 💗

Love For Long Hair

I have never looked good in short hair. When I was little, mum would cut my brothers' hair and mine herself in our backyard.  Mum and papa were very thrifty and very shrewd in finding ways of saving money.   In some of those home hair salon sessions, my bangs were inadvertently cut lopsided, making me look really hilarious. At times, I would be in a  short choppy hair cut, like a boy, which made me cringe.  I also hated my 'mushroom head' hair style that mum would sometimes surprise me with.  Most times, I would be in tears, just like Drama Queen a few years ago. In those days, I already knew that there were wigs available as I had seen one of mum's vain friend wearing one. I was dying inside me to get a lace front bob wigs to cover up my mushroom head.  Thank goodness my classmates had never laughed at my mushroom head. No one dared bully me as mum was a teacher in the school.

Mum never allowed me to keep my hair long during my primary school days; reason being the school that I was in required all students with long hair to braid their hair. Mum didn't have the time to braid my hair in the morning as she (just like me now) had to rush off her morning preparing breakfast for us and complete some chores before chauffeuring us to school. But I was dying to keep my hair long. I was so obsessed with having long hair that I would put a towel on my head and admired my instant makeover in front of a mirror and pretended that the towel was my long human hair 😁  When I was about 12, I begged mum to allow me to keep my hair long. I told her that having long hair would be my best birthday gift. She agreed and I was overjoyed.  I willingly woke up half an hour earlier every morning to braid my hair. I had my hair long until one fateful day when I was thirteen.  After I tried thinning my hair with mum's special salon comb with blades, my precious long hair was ruined forever. With no other ways to fix my screwed up hair, I had to drag myself to the hair salon for some trainee hair stylist to chop off my precious long hair. I looked awful in my new super short locks.  Thankfully my best friend taught me how to use hair spray to style my hair to safe mum from buying me some lace front wigs with baby hair. 😐

Moments Before The Surgery

My mum the paparazzi snapped many pictures of me while I was being wheeled to the OT of SYMC on 29 May 2017.

The teary and red eyed ones are omitted here.

Below is the picture of me being pushed to the OT Complex.  My loved ones were prohibited from going beyond the door. But my dearest papa managed to barge in to check on me 2 hours after the surgery as there were still no news on me from the doctor or the nurses. 😆




Below - a hospital staff waiting to push me into the lift to bring me to the OT and I was trying so hard not to burst into tears again.  I had gone through this bloodcurdling events 5 times in my life. While waiting for the lift to arrive, with my baby girl next to me, I suddenly felt like it was the year 2002, when I was waiting to be pushed to the OT to undergo the very first surgery in my life, which was a laproscopic Ovarian Drilling. I was desperate to have a baby then and tried ALL means to get pregnant.  15 years on, I have the same spine-chilling and nervous feelings all over again but this time, I have my 3 grown up babies by my side. 💗💓.  Please GOD, let this be the LAST surgery I ever have to go through, amen.




Time really flies. Two weeks ago, I was up to my eyeballs worrying over everything about the surgery and the biopsy result.  Now everything is over and I am recovering well. My prayers now are for the insurance company to approve the two unapproved items - the power morcellator and the morcellator bag costing a whopping RM5k+.

Fear Of Death And Drawing Up A Will

For years, I procrastinated in having a Will drawn up.  Death comes unannounced and at a time when you least expect it. Having my hard earned money channeled to the Government by default upon my death where there is no Will in place is the last thing I want.

If not for the surgery that I would be going through, I guess I'd most likely still be procrastinating in drawing up my Will.  I am such a dawdler in such matters.

About 2 weeks before my surgery, I started asking around for quotations. The fee ranges between RM400 - RM600 for a basic Will if prepared in KL, which I find too costly. The Will is just a 2-page signed and stamped thingy, nothing fancy and I didn't want to spend too much on it. My mum then recommended her ertswhile student to me, who now owns a law firm in Ipoh.  Her fees are cheaper and I engaged her immediately.  Everything was done via email and Whatsapp and I then couriered the signed Will to her for stamping.  Easy peasy.

When I read the draft Will, I was overcome by emotions. Such words as 'upon your demise' and 'the money in your banks will be used in your funeral expenses' cut me like a knife. Asking a certain someone to be my first witness in the Will was chokingly emotional for  me too.  I told my 3 girls about the Will and what they would be getting upon 'mummy's death'.   Suddenly, I felt like I was preparing for my death.  I was overwhelmed by emotions the week leading to the surgery. I felt like it was my 'last week' around with my loved ones. I can get this negative at times.

But Cass was very, very confident that the surgery would be successful and that I would live very, very long 💕

Cass to me: mummy, I don't know why, but I have this feeling that you will be ok. I know you won't have cancer. I just have this feeling that you won't die so soon! Think positive mummy. Remember mummy, DO NOT be negative. Being negative kills you ok!

😪💗




My Will


Have you drawn up your Will yet?  If you're a procrastinator too, don't wait, just do it.

Breast Cancer Risk Scare

I had a '3% breast cancer risk' scare early this week. After my yearly check-up at my gynae's clinic at PMC last week, my gynae referred me to a breast doctor at the Breast Care Center  and to another gynae (oncology gynecologist) to handle my uterine fibroid.  After a very stressful time last week of having to deal with the diagnosis of having severe anemia (reading of 6 g/dL.  Normal range is 12 - 16) caused by heavy periods contributed by the fibroid, I have to face yet another stressful week this week with work and another two appointments with doctors.  The damage to my wallet last week was over RM1,000 and this week's damage is another RM1,000.. holy crickets!!

On Wednesday this week, I met up with the breast surgeon on referral by my gynae.  She had a look at the ultrasound scan images and commented that while the cyst did not look round with a nice shape like it should (round and nicely shaped means benign), other markers did not suggest any malignancy.  The radiologist indicated a BIRADS III grading.. which means 'probably benign'.  She told me that while it is not malignant, there is a 3% cancer risk. My doctor's words were a sucker punch and I felt like I was slapped with a slow death sentence.  She ordered for a Mammogram done immediately.  For those of you who have had experience of doing an MMG, I am sure you feel really 'exploited' as your boops are being manhandled by 2 female imaging staff. That's really a very unpleasant feeling, not to mention the pain of having your boops squashed.

The MMG report further confirmed that the cysts are benign with a BIRADS II rating, oh thank you Lord Jesus!!  However, I will have to see the breast doctor in 3 months to have another ultrasound scan done to monitor the cysts. The 1 hour+ waiting time for the MMG report to be out was painful and tensed.

The BI-RADS assessment categories are:

• 0- incomplete
• 1-negative
• 2-benign findings
• 3-probably benign
• 4-suspicious abnormality
• 5-highly suspicious of malignancy
• 6-known biopsy with proven malignancy

My mum used to be very prone to fibrocystic breasts too during her pre-menopausal days and had undergone several open surgeries and fluid aspirations. In fact, she still gets lumps in her breasts occasionally now, at the age of over 70.  However, ever since she started consuming Izumio and Super Lutein, the products seem to be helping to shrink the lumps.  I am now taking extra dosage of Izumio and trying my best to keep my stress and anger level in check.  These two emotions are a big culprit in causing free radicals and intoxicating the body.  No matter how much Izumio I down, how healthily I eat and how much I exercise, anger and stress will negate the benefits of all these good stuff that I put into my body.

The stress hormone, cortisol, is public health enemy number one. Scientists have known for years that elevated cortisol levels interfere with learning and memory, lower immune function and bone density, increase weight gain, blood pressure, cholesterol, heart disease, cancer... the list goes on and on.

For the past few days, I have been telling myself not to sweat over the small stuff. Shouting and screaming at the kids have been reduced significantly, cussing and complaining have been kept down and I am learning to forgive and FORGET.  And I feel good about it. Practice makes perfect.  😊